In the spirit of doing some public service, I spent a bit of time recently researching the AHCA (the American Health Care Act that just cleared the House and is on its way to the Senate). It is common knowledge that under the AHCA, there are severe limitations on the coverage of pre-existing conditions. But what no one seems to be talking about is that there is one special pre-existing (and actually very common) condition that isn’t just covered fully but actually encouraged and even celebrated under this law! Not just that, but I have discovered a way that you can use this to get full coverage for any other pre-existing condition you may have! Yes, really! I am not kidding. You will be fully covered for anything you may have, if you follow the method I have discovered. No magic, no gimmicks. Just the simple and plain truth.

Intrigued? I won’t make you wait any longer.

The special pre-existing condition I am talking about is called “meanness of spirit”. And yes, not only is this condition covered, but, as I said, there is a way to get coverage for all your other conditions if you use this one amazing condition in the right way.

Let me first explain a little about this special condition. Every human being is born with some amount of goodness as well as some amount of meanness of spirit. That’s just natural. But what normally happens is, for the vast majority of us, our upbringing, education, and just life in general blunts the mean part of our nature. You see, we are all born almost unbearably cute and incredibly helpless. This compels everyone around us to take care of us, protect us from all the bad things in the world, love us, and so on. Our loved ones then talk to us about morality and compassion, love, friendship, community, etc. Our education teaches us about the value of good behavior and how a compassionate society is likely to be more successful and happier in the long run even though that seems counter-intuitive at first. The various institutions we have set up, such as governments and other social organizations provide us with various protections, rights, regulations, and so on to further reinforce these ideas until our meanness of spirit suffocates inside us.

The new law would reverse all of that. It would encourage our meanness of spirit to start breathing again, gain strength, and become the dominant force in our lives. And using my method, we will be able to overcome all our other pre-existing conditions.

How you ask? Let me explain with an example.

Let us say you suffer from high blood pressure. Under the new law, you would be out of luck. High BP can lead to a lot of complications, all highly expensive to treat. Insurance companies don’t really want to cover you for them. So of course this will not be covered under the new law.

Ok, so how are you going to get coverage for your high BP under the new law?

Here is how it works. Once you have nurtured your meanness of spirit back to health and it has started roaring inside you, you will start realizing many money-making opportunities that you had previously completely missed.

For example, you see someone in the checkout line at the grocery store. They seem to be taking too much time. They have some weird accent and are having difficulties with the checkout process. You realize that they are probably new to the country and are having difficulties understanding even simple things like grocery checkout. If your meanness of spirit is starving and weak, you would just be patient, wait until they were done, and forget about the whole thing when you leave the grocery store. Heck, you might even try to help them!

But once you have that mean juice flowing through your veins again, a light will go on inside your head. If this person doesn’t understand even simple things like grocery checkout, there is no way they understand more complicated things like IRS and the federal government etc. Why not take advantage of their weakness in this regard to make a profit for yourself?

Hmmmmm… That’s when you come up with a brilliant business plan. What if you were to call these people, pretending to be from the IRS or some other federal agency, asking for money? You would make up some story that they had done something wrong and would be deported if they did not comply. They are clearly not well informed enough to know how the IRS or any other federal agency works or what their rights are. They would have no way to know you were lying. And you could convince them to give up their meager savings because they thought they had no choice, right? Ka-ching!

Ok, but still, wait a minute. What does any of this have to do with your BP?

Well, now that you are rolling in the dough, you can afford to pay for all your treatment without having to rely on some sissy insurance! When you start feeling that heavy feeling in your chest, you simply have your chauffeur drive you to the best hospital in town in your big limo, he lets them know who you are (i.e. how much money you have, which after all is your real identity now), and you get the best treatment available! Problem solved!

You are welcome.

As an aside, you may remember this meme that was circulating some time back. It clearly explains how this meanness/goodness thing happens. The moral of that story is, don’t let the mean wolf die! Feed it, make it stronger, and let it do its magic!